dear andrew, please keep in mind you are the laughing stock of the freshman class, you have a third of the brain power of a mentally disabled infant, and you might weigh less than a freight  train if you ate a few dozen less burgers a day.
dear mrs. Coughlin, it would be greatly appreciated if you could do me a solid and tell me when "due" doesn't mean you will be collecting the assignment.
dear john steinbeck, i get it, your life sucked, but you could have at least written one cheerful book.
dear leah, i saw a picture of Regina george on your blog......You almost look exactly alike
dear jesse eisenberg, when the zombie apocalypse occurs; i am certain your list of rules will keep me safe.